A Long Trip to Teatime by Anthony Burgess

Author:Anthony Burgess
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Dover Publications, Inc
Published: 2017-07-27T16:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER V

E and D

and G and A

AH, EDENBOROUGH – so delightful a town it seemed. Edgar walked with pleasure through its comely streets, but all the time he was looking for a way back to the classroom and then home to tea (surely by now the lesson must be over). He asked many of the charming policemen he saw smilingly patrolling the tree-clad avenues and shining shopping thoroughfares: ‘How shall I get back?’ And they nearly all said.

‘Wait till four o’clock, sonny.’

The town seemed to be full not only of native Edenborough folk but of people from distant countries like Brazil, Jamaica, Honduras, South Africa, Red China, Blue China and White China. Tourists, said Edgar to himself. They all had guidebooks and cameras, and they leafed away and clicked away, for there was much to see and read about and record. These were some of the things:

The Boxing Museum with Living Specimens of Ancient and Modern Pugilism.

The Mechanical Statue of Pierce Egan, Author of Over Twenty Thousand Pieces of Cheap Literature.

A working Model of Egdon Heath.

The Eglinton Tournament with Jousting Knights and Firespitting Fiery Steeds, Together with Lovely Ladies Cheering them on.

Egyptian Thieves in Safe Cages.

Eidothea, Daughter of the Master of a Million and One Disguises.

An Eisteddfod of Bards, Singing and Reciting in Genuine Welsh.

El Dorado, the City of Gold, in Miniature but Complete in Every Detail, Complete with the Gold King, also in Miniature, its Ruler.

Domenico Theotocopuli, Painting Visitors on the Spot in Bright Colours and With Distorted Shapes, but Very Cheap and Remarkably Quickly Done.

The Roman Emperor Heliogabalus Raging and Screaming.

Elaine le Blank, A Pretty Girl but Not Very Bright. Rather Silly In Fact.

Electra and Her Ten Thousand Coloured Electric Lamps.

The Elephant in the Moon.

Genuine Elves in Little Green Coats, Stealers of Children and Causes of Nightmares, But All Safely Locked Up and Unable to Do Any Harm at All, Ha Ha.

The Play of Elijah in Four Scenes: (i) He is Given a Meal by Ravens at the Brook Called Kerith (ii) He raises the Dead Son of the Widow of Zarephath (iii) He Confutes the Prophets of Baal (iv) He Is Carried Up to Heaven in a Chariot of Fire.

Elisha Being Mocked at by Children Who are at once Most Cruelly Though Quite Justly Really Destroyed by Big Brown and Black Bears. A Musical Play with New and Original Songs and Dances.

Elizabeth and Her German Garden.

St Elmo’s Fire, This Being the Ball of Light Commonly Seen on the Masts and Yard Arms of Ships During Storms at Sea. Also Called Corposant.

An Hourly Lecture by Ralph Waldo Emerson, a Very Learned and Most Interesting American Gentleman All the Way from Boston Mass.

The Story of the Witch of Endor, Very Frightening, Told by Sir Endymion Latmos.

ENGLAND EXPECTS THAT EVERY MAN WILL DO HIS DUTY, famous signal of Lord Nelson at the Battle of Trafalgar: six easy lessons on how to convey This Important Message with Flags, Flags, And More Flags.

The Lady Quintessence Will Allow Her Hand to Be Kissed in Her Castle, Ever Open (at a Price) To Visitors, called Entelechy.

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